Mike Baker

Normally he was the one doing the stock count in the diagon alley store. So when Thomas had shown up with parchment and paper and had started counting he felt a little confused. It was also because Thomas hadn't said a thing to him about it, had simply told him he needed to count it. It made him feel like he hadn't done his job properly, had made a mistake. Why else would mr. Hawk not trust his work? He'd walked through it in his mind, which had turned into a droning sensation in his head. A worry. He didn't want to disappoint mr. Hawk, was rather proud of the work he did in the store and he couldn't find a reason for the life of him why Thomas couldn't rely on his countings if he trusted him, which also sparked another rotation of the world named 'Michael Baker: never good enough'. All the worry had kept him up at night and he'd figured it was enough.

He'd just ask. Thomas had always said to just ask if he worried about something. So he'd gotten the both of them some chocolate milk, before knocking on the door with his elbow bone. 

Thomas didn't even look at him. 

Fuuuu-

"Mr. Hawk? I have some chocolate milk for you." Come on, come on. "And ehmr..." He trailed off, feeling so nervous his throat was hurting. He seemed busy. 

It was weird, hearing Sascha speak this way to him. Nobody in his family spoke to him that way. His mum was nice, at times, but in different ways. Was it true what she was saying? He didn't know. He felt like he was zoning out, seeing everything blurry for a bit, feeling like her words didn't reavh him and yet they did. He leaned his head on her shoulders and felt so deeply sad. Why hadn't anyone spoken to him like this? It was weird, it felt right yet he hated it. He hated the pain, yet he hated the love. He never felt settled. And this guilt felt good, in ways, she was right about that. Now he didn't drink anymore he had to have other reasons for people to hate him, so when one presented itself... Didn't make it right. Definitely didn't make it right.

The problem was, the kid kinda seemed to add to the problem, which was why Sascha's words didn't comfort him. She was in that big barn, alone with the kid. What could go wrong! Maybe he'd have to send Nehemia. If Xati made a dumb decision, nobody would be there to do what she'd done for him. Emilia would be motherless and Rye a widower. He would ask Nehemia today. "I really am sorry about all this. If I could take it back I would." It hadn't been worth it by a long shot, it had been stupid. He'd lost his best mate, a safe place he loved. Those didn't cross his path all that often, and now his friends looked at him differently, his family. 

It hurt to hear her being hurt and he mumbled another apology. He wondered if anyone ever sunk through the earth, just from the sheer amount of guilt in their body. He thought he'd be a candidate for it right now. "Yeah. I know." Little Emilia... Shit. Of course, Xati had played her part too, she'd been the one to kiss him, but he'd kissed back and then everything after. "Sometimes I think about sending her an owl, just to check up with how she's doing. But I figure it's not really my place. Just... That night, she was talking about not wanting to be here anymore. She found me during my attempt. I wonder like, if I hadn't, maybe she wouldn't be feeling this way. I never send her the owl, though. I really don't want to make Rye think I am still wanting to... Cause I don't." He'd stopped taking the magic Viagra, anyway, so his dick wouldn't work, even if he'd want it to.

It made sense she needed answers. Rye wasn't the kind of person to hurt other people. Unless he had a damn good reason to. Was. Past tense. Rye had told Sascha that Rye was his friend. Somehow Mike'd still hoped, but that was getting more difficult. He didn't even know where his mate was, not at Xati's barn anymore, that was for sure. Mike didn't know Xati had moved herself, since he hadn't contacted her since that last time they'd...

"I didn't think." It had all been passion, feeling seen and then, after the first time, it didn't matter anymore. "I am sorry. It must've been an awkward conversation with Rye."

Okay, low-key it was kind of funny to see his cousin squirm in her word choice. He would've laughed, if it weren't for the serious topic she brought up, the shame it caused in the pits of his stomach. He pressed his lips and eyes closed, as if it could save him from the humiliation he'd pushed upon himself. He took a beat to take a breath, to shake his head, think of anything to say. "I'd told you you wouldn't want to know." He said, looking at her with a single glance before he looked away again.